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Kindness Resources

 

• Blog Post: The Power of Self Kindness

  [Click here to download the blog post as a Word document: The Power of Self Kindness Blog Post]

  To celebrate World Kindness Day (November 13^th) we hosted an event (The Kindness Exchange) where we asked students to reflect on different aspects of kindness. Interestingly, we found that the majority of students struggled to identify acts they do that would classify as an act of self-kindness. Some people couldn’t come up with any at all! We wanted to take a deeper look into the importance of self-kindness and the effect it may have on wellbeing, specifically in students, which are a community that needs more support surrounding mental health.

   

  What is self-kindness?

  Self-kindness entails “providing oneself with warmth, support, and understanding rather than imposing harsh self-judgement” (Neff, 2003). This is intertwined with the concept of self-compassion, which refers to the act of treating oneself with an understanding and concern that we would a friend or a loved one, specifically during a time of suffering (Neff & Germer, 2013). Understanding self-kindness is no easy task, as it can take many forms and have various definitions. We came up with this simple “equation” in order to explain our own take on it:

  Self-Kindness = Self-Compassion + Self-Care

  Here, we see self-kindness being composed of two elements: self-compassion (the emotion-based, cognitive, and mindful practice) and self-care (action-based practice of self-love and compassion). We can target either (or both) of these components to add more self-kindness into our day-to-day life.

   

  Why do we need to be kind to ourselves?

  We spend more time with ourselves than anyone else, and how we relate to ourselves has a large impact on how we feel. As a result, treating ourselves in a way we would treat a valued friend should positively impact our wellbeing.

  Evidence suggests that those who are kind to themselves tend to have better mental health and report greater wellbeing. The Sussex Centre for Research on Kindness conducted the biggest ever public science project on kindness in 2021,‘The Kindness Test’. Approximately 60,000 people took part in this study that aimed to learn about people’s attitudes and experiences related to kindness. In this data, people who are kind to themselves tend to have higher well-being and life satisfaction, whereas those who are more self-critical tend to feel lonelier. Similarly, other research finds that people who are more compassionate towards themselves report  greater life satisfaction, emotional intelligence, and social connectedness  (Barnard & Curry, 2011). Those who are kind to themselves are also less likely to ruminate, less likely to be a perfectionist and are less likely to fear failure (Neff, 2003), demonstrating the comprehensive benefits self-kindness has specifically on our wellbeing.

  Being compassionate towards oneself has the ability to improve both our mental and physical health. A lack of self-compassion may be one starting point for depression, but depressed people have a tendency to be more self-critical, which can cause a downward spiral into hopelessness and desperation (Neff, 2012). Fortunately, this means that self-compassion can be used as a lever to decrease depression; people who are compassionate to themselves are able to self-soothe when stressed, this can decrease cortisol levels and increase heart rate variability, which are physical markers associated with depression. (Rockliff et al., 2008). There is also evidence to suggest self-compassion brings about improvements in many other health domains such as: functional immunity, lower pain intensity, sleep and even danger avoidance. (Phillips & Hine, 2019).

  As students ourselves, we understand the importance of these psychological findings in particular as we have witnessed first-hand some of the struggles our community has to go through. A survey of undergraduate students found, alarmingly, that over half had experienced a mental health problem at some point in their life, 58.3% reporting extreme stress and 37% anxiety (Gibbons et al., 2019) . Although university can be fun and exciting, it can also be a very stressful time for a lot of people. In addition to stress related to academic load, students have to learn adult-like responsibilities for the first time without having yet had the time to master the skills and develop the cognitive maturity required for adulthood. Most students have to adapt to a new life away from home, learn to live with new people likely very different from themselves, build new relationships and maintain those, potentially work to avoid financial struggles, all alongside pressures and demands from their education. Within the literature, it is clear that there is a general awareness that students may need more assistance in this sudden jump to adulthood that comes with university life, but potentially there's a question mark above how to go about that.

   

  What are some ways that you can be kind to yourself in your everyday life?

  We found during our event that people often failed to recognise the acts they did for themselves as a way to show themselves kindness, which is why we want to remind people that it is essential to understand that there are many ways to be kind to yourself. Each person has their own preferences, attitudes and goals for this process and that’s totally okay. In alignment with our equation, we’ve suggested some ways in which you can be self-compassionate and ways in which you can practise self-care in order to achieve kindness towards yourself.

   

  Self-compassion: the emotional side to self-kindness

  • Compliment yourself. Start by recognising your achievements, no matter how small (e.g., “I made it through another day.”).
  • Use affirmations that resonate with you, such as “I am capable and strong” or “I am proud of how I dealt with that”
  • Engage in mindfulness practices e.g. meditation or deep breathing exercises. Mindfulness helps us both become aware of our emotions and learn to regulate them in a relaxing way.
  • Smile more! It stimulates your amygdala (the part of your brain responsible for your emotions) to release neurotransmitters that encourage positive emotions.
  • Write down a list of 3, 5 or maybe even 10 things you are grateful for.
  • Pay attention to your inner dialogue. If you find your mind filled with negative self-talk, pause and reframe it to something more positive. For example, change “I can’t do this” to “I’m learning and getting better”
  • Forgive yourself and understand that mistakes are a part of being  human. Everybody makes mistakes, and they are an opportunity to learn and improve.
  • At the end of the day, reflect on what went well and the progress you’ve made. Reminiscing about positive aspects and experiences in our life can be a great way to brighten up your day! If you’re interested in learning more about this, check out .

   

  Self-care: From chore to activity

  We’re aware self-kindness may seem like a difficult thing to make a habit of, for various reasons, but there are many small steps that can be taken along the way. We encourage making some of these activities a part of your routine, not simply for when you feel a little more down than usual, as this will make the process easier in the long run. Remember, taking care of your basic needs is a part of engaging in self-respect!

   

  • Prioritise self-care. Engage in hobbies or social outings that nurture your body. Take a relaxing bath, read a book, or go for a walk with a friend.
  • Take care of your physical health. Eat well, get good sleep, and follow self-care routines.
  • Give yourself a break; often we only take a break once we're already burnt out, but we all deserve a break every now and then.

   

  For more kindness-related information and upcoming events within our research centre, take a look at our website or follow our . For more information regarding self-kindness and ways in which you can practise this take a look at these articles and podcasts below:

   

  Articles:

   

  Podcasts:

   

  References:

  Barnard, L. K., & Curry, J. F. (2011). Self-compassion: Conceptualizations, correlates, & interventions. Review of general psychology, 15(4), 289-303.

  Gibbons, S., Trette-McLean, T., Crandall, A., Bingham, J. L., Garn, C. L., & Cox, J. C. (2019). Undergraduate students survey their peers on mental health: Perspectives and strategies for improving college counselling centre outreach. Journal of American college health, 67(6), 580-591.

  Neff, K. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and identity, 2(2), 85-101.

  Neff, K. D. (2012). The science of self-compassion. Compassion and wisdom in psychotherapy, 1, 79-92.

  Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomised controlled trial of the mindful self‐compassion program. Journal of clinical psychology, 69(1), 28-44.

  Rockliff, H., Gilbert, P., McEwan, K., Lightman, S., & Glover, D. (2008). A pilot exploration of heart rate variability and salivary cortisol responses to compassion-focused imagery. Clinical Neuropsychiatry: Journal of Treatment Evaluation.

   

• Infographics

  Feel free to download and share! We'd love to hear from you if you do.

  Self-Kindness & Wellbeing (Infographic) [PDF 5.09MB]

  Self-Kindness & Wellbeing (A4 format) [PDF 3.54MB]

  Practising Self-Kindness (Infographic) [PDF 4.97MB]

  Practising Self-Kindness (A4 format) [PDF 2.95MB]

• Self Kindness Video

• Resources

  Self Kindness Spinner [PDF 188.60KB]

  Kindness Bingo [PDF 445.70KB]

  Kindness Presentation [PDF 13.38MB]

• Selected relevant publications from members of Sussex Centre for Research on Kindness:

  Banerjee, R., McLaughlin, C., Cotney, J., Roberts, L., & Peereboom, C. (2016).  Cardiff, UK: Public Policy Institute of Wales. 

  Boddy, J., Phoenix, A., Walker, C., Vennam, U., Austerberry, H., & Latha, M. (2016). Telling 'moral tales'? Family narratives of responsible privilege and environmental concern in India and the UK. Families, Relationships and Societies, 5(3), 357-374.  

  Caputi, M., Lecce, S., Pagnin, A., & Banerjee, R. (2012).  Longitudinal effects of theory of mind on later peer relations:  The role of prosocial behaviour.  Developmental Psychology, 48, 257-270.  

  Cotney, J. L., & Banerjee, R. (2019) Adolescents’ conceptualisations of kindness and its links with well-being: A focus group study. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(2), 599-617.  

  Cutler, J., & Campbell-Meiklejohn, D. (2019). A comparative fMRI meta-analysis of altruistic and strategic decisions to give. NeuroImage, 184, 227-241.  

  Farsides, T., Sparks, P. & Jessop, D. (2018). Self-reported reasons for moral decisions. Thinking and Reasoning, 24(1), 1-20.  

  Fechter, A-M. (2012). ‘Living well’ while ‘doing good’? (Missing) debates on altruism and professionalism in aid work. Third World Quarterly, 33(8), 1475-1491.  

  Fechter, A-M. (2014). The ‘good’ child: anthropological perspectives on morality and childhood. Journal of Moral Education, 43(2), 143-155.  

  Fechter, A-M. (2016). Aid work as moral labour. Critique of Anthropology, 36(3), 228-243. 

  Fechter, A-M. (2017). An excess of goodness? Volunteering among Aid professionals in Cambodia. South East Asia Research, 25 (3), 268-283.  

  Fechter, Anne-Meike and Schwittay, Anke (2019) [Introduction] Citizen Aid: grassroots interventions in development and humanitarianism. Third World Quarterly. 

  Fechter, Anne-Meike (2019) Development and the search for connection. Third World Quarterly. ISSN 0143-6597 

  Fechter, Anne-Meike (2019) Brokering transnational flows of care: the case of citizen aid. Ethnos. ISSN 0014-1844 

  Gu, Jenny, Cavanagh, Kate, Strauss, Clara and Baer, Ruth (2017) An empirical examination of the factor structure of compassion. PLoS ONE, 12(2), e0172471.  

  Lefevre, M. (2018). Communicating and Engaging with Children and Young People: Making a Difference. Bristol: The Policy Press, 2nd Edition. 

  Lefevre, M., Hickle, K., Luckock, B. & Ruch, G. (2017). Building trust with children and young people at risk of Child Sexual Exploitation: the professional challenge. British Journal of Social Work, 47(8),&�Բ�����;2456-2473.  

  Stell, A. J., & Farsides, T. (2015). Brief loving-kindness meditation reduces racial bias, mediated by positive other-regarding emotions. Motivation and Emotion, 40(1), 140-147.  

  Strauss, ��., L�𱹱�� B.T., Gu, J., Kuyken, W., Baer, R., Jones, F., & Cavanagh, K. (2016) What is compassion and how can we measure it? A review of definitions and measures. Clinical Psychology Review, 47, 15-27.